Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sparrow the Scold - II

Sparrow the Scold II - A Mother's Love

In Mother, he addresses all those wastrel sons
who don't pay enough respect to their poor old mothers.
Sparrow's melody goes through key changes guaranteed
to break down the roughest customer into a blubbering wreck,
rushing to a telephone to make a long delayed call, or if
Sparrow's message comes too late, to the florist for
an overdue graveside arrangement.


The clarity of his tone and ability to convey complex lyrics
with powerful emotion are like Louis Jordan's skill with sweet
yet clever phrasing. Sparrow is a master of the English language,
at least his Grenadian dialect that often substitutes personal
pronouns in a disconcerting fashion: she's for hers, me for my, or
dropping them entirely as in they mommy belly empty. Sparrow
slips in and out of dialect to suit his emotional purposes (and
the meter of the line).

This pairing of sentiment and music is as strong as Al Jolson
inviting Sonny Boy upon his knee to explain why his mother is
now with the angels.

"In this place, certain men should hide their face
The way they treat their mother is a disgrace.
Neglect the old woman for donkey years
and when she dead, they're sheddin' crocodile tears.
And spendin' money like hell, to buy a casket big like Hilton Hotel.
But when their mother was alive, they didn't know she then,
Twas nightclubs and brothels and money used to spend.
They used to carry on, but now that she is gone,
Those hypocrites does weep and mourn.
But if you are lucky and you still have your mommy,
remember what Sparrow say:
Forget them jagabots and all them jezebels
and make sure your mommy OK.

So indiscreet, some of them drunk in the street
and their ma have nothing to eat.
Buying company, every day they on a spree
And they mommy belly empty.

When his mommy was in need, he never paid her heed
And she used to eat the bread the devil leave.
It was so unfair, I mean, a postcard once a year,
to pretend he so sincere.

Though she don't need a lot, please give her what you got,
Whether you rich or you poor -- I say,
Not only on her birthday, no, that isn't the way
Ev'ry day should be Mother's Day.

Oh, no, don't neglect your mommy so,
Don't leave her in tears and sorrow.
Don't forget, boy, you owe her the respect
That all good mothers should get.
You've got to make it a point of duty,
Do your best to see that she's always happy.
Not like those who pay they doctor bill
Only to make sure that they name come out in she Will.

Oh, you drove her out of mind, you treated she unkind,
How could you be so blind, to leave your ma to pine?
The pain she had to bear, to bring you safely here,
And now you don't really care.

You treated her crude and for your ingratitude
Some day you will have to pay.
Because retribution meets ev'ry man
Who treats his mommy that way.

It's unkind to leave her undone,
Don't be a blasted ungrateful son....
You'll be a very lucky fella
If you still have the treasure
Of the wealth of a mother's love."

The recording goes on a bit long, but in live performance,
Sparrow would tailor it to maximum effect, judging his
audience like a preacher delivering the Mother's Day sermon
to a backsliding congregation.

Sparrow's phrasing is clear and usually easy to understand,
despite the unfamiliar dialect words and shifts in pronunciation.
The pain she had to bear to bring you safely here
And now you don't really care; in this line, bear and care are
made to rhyme with here. Obeah varies, but is usually sung Oab-yah.
"J'Ouvert morning" seems to be the Monday preceding Mardi Gras Tuesday,
but running from Sunday night to Monday's dawn.


Sparrow the Scold - I

Sparrow the Scold - I

By the seventies, Caribbean tourism became dangerous.
Several well-publicized murders and increasing violence
between rival troupes of calypsonians was keeping away
tourists and the Yankee dollar.

In Woom Poom, Sparrow personally guarantees the safety
of a visiting lady.

He exhorts her to "shake up ye woom poom, breakaway!
We can rest Ash Wednesday". The melody is so enchanting,
I had to listen to it many times before I caught on
to the undertone of reassurance in the face of legitimate fears.
Around the same time, the Jamaican Tourist Board ran the
"Come Back to Jamaica" campaign. It took me a long time to
recognize the tune as John Lennon's "War is Over (Happy Xmas)",
but later found they were both based in an old folk melody "Skewball".

In Rope, Sparrow directly takes on the gang rivalries, urging them
to "behave yourselves in public".

"While everyone was jumping up and having a good time
They were pelting and fighting, trying to spoil a songline."
"Boasting how they afraid no one, not even police
But this year is for love and peace so this nonsense must cease".

This song features a driving bassline and chordal rhythm guitar
throughout, with a horn section over it all.

If only rappers devoted as much effort in controlling their fans worst excesses.

Sparrow the Fantasist

Sparrow the Fantasist

A mad scientist, experimenting with "musical radiation" is caught in a
lab explosion. Music & Rhythm infect every part of his body.
The beat and the sheer inventiveness of the lyrics carry the day
through this unexpectedly melodic song, similar to a Gilbert & Sullivan
patter song, in the number of items listed and the depth of description,
as the twitchy music radiation affects each part of his body. [This was
the first Sparrow song I heard, on the Peter Gabriel WOMAD collection.
Many years later, while fishing on Napster, I rediscovered it and
continued searching out Sparrow. In 2008, I traveled to New Jersey
to catch Sparrow's 70th birthday tour.]

There is a Statue of Captain Cipriani overlooking the square in
Port of Spain, Trinidad, where the dance troupes assemble for carnaval.
One year, the music is too much for him. He comes alive, ripping himself
from the pedestal, clanking his metal feet down the street, joining the
dancing throng.

(This song won the annual Road March award when it was
premiered in 1974. Twenty-five years later, a statue of Sparrow
was erected as well).

Sparrow recorded many animal folktale calypsos. Lion and Donkey
(Rematch) shows the two fighting again. In the first version, the
Monkey Judge awards the prize to Donkey as the greatest of beasts,
based not on power or strength or cunning, but on the indisputable
size of his member.

Sparrow the Historian

Remember that weird story about the man who left the
Buckingham Palace tour and wandered into the Queen's bedroom?

Sparrow used that as a starting point in "Phillip, My Dear", wrapping the
anecdote in a classic dirty joke, in a burlesque worthy of Jonathan Swift
(who would never have attempted it, as the royals still chopped off heads
for gross impertinence in those days).

Before the unexpected fiery climax made that joke not funny anymore,
Sparrow took on those misbehaving princesses and the Royal Family's
reaction in "London Bridge".

The foibles of British Empire weren't Sparrow's only target.
Off and on he lived in Brooklyn. His analysis of the Impeachment
and the Clinton/Lewinski affair is as detailed as a Sunday morning
news program and as funny as The Daily Show.

"Doh Touch Meh President"

He came out of retirement to record "Barack the Magnificent," which wasn't
quite as driving and insightful as his other work. Over a fifty year span,
he recorded "The Juice is Loose" on the OJ Simpson trial, "Ayatollah" on
the Hostage Crisis, "Idi Amin", "Russian Satellite" on the Sputnik panic
and "New York Blackout".

"Castro Eating a Banana" will be discussed under the
Incredibly Dirty Jokes, Tastefuly Told
category.

Sparrow - Melodist

Sparrow the Melodist

Obeah Wedding - Sparrow's most beautiful melody - so
uncharacteristically beautiful that there are persistent
rumours that it wasn't his.

==

The singer watches Melda's attempts to snare him into marriage.
He slags her persistence, her hygiene and now her attempt to
enlist the aid of the local Obeah Man, to provide spells and charms
to induce the lazy, complacent singer to marry her.

The story literally unfolds, as the initial impression of silly
Melda surrounding his bed with lavender candles and gris-gris
gives way to the realization that she is his mistress and
bed-partner who wants a promotion to bride and wife.
It takes on a more universal character then. You could imagine
a twentyish girl at the new-age candle shop, planning
just the right spell to get her "roommate" to be her "husband".

There is a Runyonesque twist at the end. I used to think
calypso was just Harry Belafonte and cruise-ship acts.
Sparrow takes it much further, and deeper and closer to its origins,
while bringing it to the modern age.

He is a rough contemporary of Little Richard and still plays live
now and then.

The Mighty Sparrow - Calypso Folk-Poet


Bongo!

Before Maynard G. Krebs grew his beard,

before Dr. Feynmann played after physics conferences,

before the neo-hippies joined the drum circles,

there was the calypso bongo jam.

Sparrow recounts the story of a life-and-death

bongo dance competition, Matilda vs. the newcomer,

big fat Priscilla.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Swimming Pool Q's and Woodstock 94

Transcript of an online chat:

!elbakrameR: is that all the swimming pool Q's ya got?
T: Thats pretty much all there is.
T: After Anne left, Jeff did WW2.5 and "Firing Squad for God"
!elbakrameR: I know. I'm looking for stuff from The Deep End
T: Hmmmm.
T: Try their web site
!elbakrameR: they have a website??
T: www.swimmingpoolqs.com
!elbakrameR: wow...really/
T: everybodys got a web site
eR: i did a search. all i got was a lame bio and discography
eR: yeah, point taken :)
eR: so, how do you know of them?
T: jimmycarlblack terryreid jackbruce
T: all my obscure favorites, thejudys, thespuds
T:
eR: dwightyoakam robertearlkeen kellywillis
T: How do I know them?
eR: the q's
T: I went to USC columbia 78-82, they used to play al the time
time
eR: ah... I live in Atlanta
T: After The Deep End, before the other two.
eR: you're just a tad older than i, but, i grew up on 'em
T: SPQ is a magnificent album.
eR: yes indeed
T: I had to reevaluate everything recently.
eR: i have deep and spq on vinyl...
eR: no turntable anymore, tho
T: I asked my wife to have a freind make me a tape.
T: He included all the lyrics.
eR: stick in my hand is the %#@!ing ULTIMATE song
T: I (naively) thought Anne wrote or contributed to her songs.
T: Nope.
T: Jeff was a puppetmaster.
eR: yeah, it's all jeff and sometimes Bob
T: Right.
T: But the lyrics were Jeff's
eR: yeah
eR: I used to hang out with them
T: My faves are PULL BACK MY SPRING and She's
Brining Down the Poison.
T: Cool.
eR: good friends w/ JE until he joined ARS
eR: I like all of Deep End
T: Story time.
eR: and, i don't think Stingray and Make me Bigger ever made it to a record
T: I was going to Woodstock 94, driving from MN to Ontario to Lake Placid to Woodstock.
eR: but those also rock
eR: yeah...?
T: Let me tell you this story.
T: I'm describing my travels to friends and passersby on the road,
eR: go on...
T: just dropping , oh yeah, visit grandpa, then we'll be three days in woodstock, then take the kids
T: to see grandma, just drop it in.
T: OK, I'm at Lake Placid, at the beach, with my 18month old daughter,
T: hanging out with the moms.
T: Schmoozing and low-intensity flirting.
eR: : )
T: So I describe my itinerary to one mom,
T: " and then stop by Woodstock 94..."
T: She says, Oh, my band is playing there.
eR: NAW!!!!
T: My jaw dropped.
T: I'm going thru the index cards in my mind.
T: Is she somebody famous?
T:
T: Not really. She and her sister were an Indigo-girls style band
T: they were playing between the acts on the main stage,
A big revolving contraption that allowed small acts 20 minutes
while the big boys set up on one-third and the previous act broke down
their stage on the remaining third.
T: Disappear Fear! was the name they went by.
T: OK what does this have to do with SPQ?
T: After she revealed her secret identity,
eR: did Rob produce them?
eR: I dunno. I've heard the name b4
T: we got to talking bands.
T: I brought up the subject "Female Singers who can Really Sing"
T: We mention Annie Lennox, dismiss Linda Ronstadt and Madonna,
T: some others, I say Oh yeah, Anne Richmond Boston. Great Alto!
T: She says, funny you should mention her, I just was with her last weekend in Atlanta.
T: Jaw drops again.
T:
eR: who was the chick??
T: At this point, I'm half starstruck and half suspicious that I've met a master BS artist.
T:
T: Well I make it to Woodstock, park the wife and kids with her old college roommate
T: (not really a roommate, just somebody who shared a suite with her for half a semester
T: but my wife kept on the XMAS card list all these years. )
T: I get up early Saturday and do a little reconnaissance, hop the fence
T: and go in the backstage restricted area passes only.
T: Have a fun time playing French Resistance fighter behind enemy lines,
eR: : )
T: casually hiding from the guards.
eR: like snoopy
T: listened to Joe ^^!$er (Joe Cocker's name censored by chatbot)
from behind the stage, couldn't see a thing.
T:
T: OK
T: I see this line of band members and roadies in black t-shirts snake by.
T: squint to read the type: disappear fear.
T: ^@&@, she told the truth.
T: didn't interrupt them, as they were getting ready to go on
T: and having chatted in bathing suits, knee-deep in water is not a strong enough
T: connection to interrupt a performer just before she's getting ready to appear
T: before a quarter of a million people.
T:
T: thats the story.
eR: what was her name??
T: dont remember. I think i have the cd over here brb.
T: sonia or cindy, i don't remember which sister i spoke to.
eR: well, i know of the band. I've seen ads in Creative loafing...
eR: dunno nothing about the music, tho

Causality

Okay, so I run out of Coca-Cola at work. No quarters in my pocket,
they've been confiscated by my daughters, who don't even pretend
anymore that they need New Hampshire for their map. 'Yeah, I need
the eagle ones, too'

So I head out from work, turn right at His Purple Mountain Majesty
(Paisley Park) and pop into Target. Just need a twelve pack.
Hmmm. 12-pack:: $4.49 24-case::$5.35
Shit, I really don't need that much, on top of all the coffee,
not to mention the ritalin. Oh well.

I get back and saw the case in half with my car key. Half for work and
half for home. You can probably see where this is going, but bear with
me. As usual, I space out and forget about it in the back of the car
over the weekend, even when my wife mentions she hears something rolling
around and I pick up the can of Marvel Mystery Oil from under the seat.
Once I find, I stop looking.

This is winter in Minnesota and surprisingly, the cans didn't explode,
just bulge out in grotesque and obscene ways. CocaCola is bottled
locally and I think they go for a heavier gauge aluminum in the winter.

I tell my son to bring the soda inside to thaw while I dig under the seats
in the van rounding up strays. At least we'll have plenty of flat Coke
on hand for upset tummies when the flu season kicks in. He takes one can
from the case and wanders off. I head in later and see several opened
cans on the picnic table. Andrew has written his name in the snow, in
coca-cola. The old Irish joke comes to mind, "Sure, I'll pour a bottle of
whiskey over your grave as your last request, but do ye mind if I pass it
through me bladder first."

Later, the dog is out, sniffing the neighborhood, checking her messages,
and finds Andrew's handiwork. "Snow Cones!" She eats most of it before
I notice what's going on. This happens at 9pm and at 2am she's still
growling, pacing and twitching. Gotta remember to trim those nails.
Click, click, click.

Fripp & Eno & Absinthe

Article 1146 of alt.music.progressive:
Newsgroups: alt.music.progressive
Path: mork!snow
From: snow@netcom.com (Tim Szeliga)
Subject: Re: King Crimson
Message-ID:
Date: Thu, 09 Jul 92 13:56:08 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
References: <1992jul9.055634.13699@husc3.harvard.edu>

In article <1992jul9.055634.13699@husc3.harvard.edu> verbit@coolidge.harvard.edu (Mikhail S. Verbitsky) writes:
>In article "Stephen P. Marting" writes:
>
>>> One more thing: Someone who's well-versed in Fripp's solo works... could
>>> you give me some recommendations?
>
The ever-popular "Swastika Girls" of Fripp and Eno. The cover depicts close-
cropped Fripp and Eno sitting in a Hall of Mirrors, on clear lucite furniture,
Eno playing solitaire with a deck of pornographic playing cards.
The cover is much better than the album. The music is atonal,
highly repetitious -- if it wasn't such High Art, you'd think it was
just two guys messing around in a studio with tape loops.

During spring break of my junior year, a sadistic friend and I discovered
his late father's wine cellar hidden in the basement (the lock never
broke, but the hasps came right out with a crowbar). We discovered scotch
from the thirties, Italian wines and vermouth, lots of anisette and Sambuca,
and three bottles of absinthe. We had the scotch on the first day, until
his mother and older brother found us sprawled on the sofa, playing
backgammon and drinking whiskey twice as old as we were. The good
stuff was confiscated, leaving us with the cordials, the liqueurs and the absinthe.

We spent the next two weeks on the sofa, playing acey-deucey, working our
way through the absinthe and listening to Fripp and Eno and "June 1, 1974"
(Eno, Ayres, Nico). The absinthe, made in Italy during the Mussolini regime,
was authentic, with wormwood and alkaloids that are probably still embedded
in my kidney stones. The effect is a cross between mescaline and morphine.
DeCarlo would switch the speed on the old entertainment console to 78rpm,
which meant that, at least, Swastika Girls would be over sooner. Sometimes,
in particularly perverse mood, he would set the speed to 16 2/3 and the
torment would last twice as long. It did not effect the quality of the music,
merely its duration.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tim Szeliga
Voice: (612) 725-3259 BBS: (612) 725-3230 (8N1)
UUCP: apple!netcomsv!frost!tim Internet: tim@snow.nohrsc.nws.gov
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"He needs, without knowing, those old Renaissance formulas equating C-sharp
minor with longing, sudden modulation to E major with a glimpse of heaven.
How dare an obnoxious greaser four years younger than he turn the Civil War
tune "Aura Lee" into the Hit Parade standard "Love Me Tender," without a
wiggle of concern for the underpinning chordal message? Either this language
has no content, or tonal tastes have festered, fixed for 100 years or more.
Both options terrify him."
The Goldbug Variations
Richard Powers

The Mothers without Zappa

The Grandmothers
Jimmy Carl Black - vocals & tambourine
Don Preston - keyboards & synth & lead/bg vox
Bunk Gardner - alto and tenor sax
Sandro Oliva - zappa guitar & vox
Emir Bladezipper - bass & vox
- [ a dutch drummer]

The Turf Club
August 16, 2000
$5 cover
2 beers @ $3 [summit pale ale]
----------------
best value for money in years

SETLIST
-------
  • Call Any Vegetable
  • "What was Zappa Really Like?"
  • Peaches en Regalia / Latex Solar Beef
  • Hey, Punk
  • Who are the Brain Police?
  • Neon Meat-Dream of a Octafish
    • (Don Preston as Dom deWilde performing Beefheart)
  • Lonely Nights (Freddie Fender?)
  • Mom and Dad
    • "What's the secret word tonight?"
    • "Uh, I dunno. Wowie-Zowie"
  • Wowie Zowie
  • Money (That's What I Want)
  • Lady Lady Queen Bee
[At this point I got up to dance to Ruben & the Jets
JCB:"My personal favorite"
and three or four more songs]

[Got Preston to sign my 200 Motels poster; told him one of the first shows
I went to was the Mothers without Zappa opening for the Doors without Morrison,
Flo & Eddie and the "Other Voices" Doors. Schaeffer Music Festival, Wollman
Skating Rink, Central Park, $3, 1971? ]
BREAK

Added Bunk Gardner's sig to the poster. "Nice to hear a soprano sax that
doesn't sound at all like Marsalis."

On return,
Rev Biff deBris (Preston) delivers the invocation,
promising vicarious atonement, urging all sinners
to deposit drugs and loose women on the stage,
removing the audience from the temptation.
The band would take on the burden of committing your sins for you.
No one took them up on the offer.

  • New-Age MumboJumbo
  • The Little House I Used to Live In
[the band really tightened up in the second set,
as the music got more complex.
Bunk Gardner & Don Preston were especially good.
Sandro Oliva, who looks more like Zappa than Ringo did,
as much as Harpo & Chico looked like Groucho in the
mirror sketch in Duck_Soup,
played quite well, incorporating some of FZ's conducting hand gestures
and mannerism. His guitar sound was close enough, and his solos were tight &
short. However, he looked like he was really concentrating on his playing.
Zappa's trademark was his multitasking, leading the band, scouting the
audience, balancing his checkbook, probably composing his next album,
then knocking off a killer solo and fading back.]
  • Tina Pica (in italian)
  • We are the Other People
  • Indian of the Group [to the groove of Who Do You Love]
Jimmy Carl Black's personal history
justified braggadoccio
"I saw Elvis in '56, made a movie with Ringo and rode in Keith Moon's Rolls,"
  • Duke of Prunes? (the vegetable song from Uncle Meat)
  • King Kong
  • Big Leg Emma [our first attempt at a single for the radio -
only made 2000 copies - if you have one, its probably worth more than your car]
  • Brown Shoes Don't Make It
[this is a really hard song to sing.
it is full of slurs and shifts
and modulating keys. I was very impressed with
JCB's vocals. He's growly and a shouter, but he
executed some difficult singing quite well. It was like
following behind a old drunk in an rusty pickup on a twisty
mountain road. He might have taken a few curves wide
and swayed a bit, but avoided the cliffs and the guardrails
and got everyone home safely.
"Gotta meet the Gurney's and a dozen bright attorneys
TV Dinner by the pool, I'm so glad I finished school"]
  • The Uncle Meat Variations
  • Oh No / The Orange County Lumber Truck
  • Walk the Path of Light (if you want to see paradise)

ENCORE
  • Lonesome Cowboy Burt
  • Willie the Pimp
#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

Got JCB & Sandro to sign. Told JCB I'd told my son I was going to see
"this guy tonight", pointing to the cartoon of JCB as Lonesome Cowboy Burt
grabbing Suzy Creamcheese from behind & ripping off her shirt.
My hand went to cover the woman, then had to slide over to the two semi-naked
groupies, a second hand covering Suzy. Properly framed, I said
"There! That's who I'm going to see. And that guy being lowered down on a
wire is Mister Conductor - the Liverpool one, not George Carlin."

I told JCB afterward to look up Theo Bikel's Memoir.
Bikel devotes about a page and a half to apologizing for appearing in
200 Motels. "We had the same agent, I did it as a favor, I had no idea."
The orchestra in the prison camp motif really offended him.
Didn't stop him from singing the rousing [and obscene] finale,
Strictly Genteel. "And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie".

I rented 200 Motels last year - the visuals don't hold up as well IMHO,
but the soundtrack contains some of FZ's best work, Strictly Genteel &
the "She Painted Up Her Face" sequence.
Ringo, JCB, Don Preston and Flo&Eddie are great,
George Duke is so out-of-place, it's jarring.


Overall, they were great. I was glad to hear just that particular era's music,
up to and including Hot_Rats. I was especially glad to hear Zappa without
all those damned Marimbas. Ruth & Ian Underwood were the first REAL musicians
he worked with and Z learned a lot about composing with them, but I find they
dominate the recordings. Orange Co Lumber could have used a few more horns,
but then it would have been too loud for the tiny club. Gardner & Preston
balanced nicely. The one thing they did really need was a decent falsetto
singer. Ray Collins, Roy Estrada, Flo & Eddie -- FZ always had a great falsetto
in the band.
I offered my services to JCB, sang four bars of "I'm Not Satisfied",
nobody took me up on the offer (but he did let me finish).

If I saw one of the other revival bands that Ike Willis or Napoleon
Murphy Brock or Dweezil or Thunes & Wackerman are running, I'd be disappointed.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Erdös Number is e

-----Original Message-----
From: Tim Szeliga
To: Tom Shepard
Subject: Re: Erdös Number?


> The other thing last year that brought you to mind
> was my reading "The Man Who Loved Only Numbers" by
> Paul Hoffman.
>
> I've forgotten what your Erdös number is. Refresh
> my memory: for someone who has written a paper with
> Erdös, is their number = 1?
>
> --
> Tom Shepard


My major professor's number was 1.
That's Tom Trotter's quote that opens the book.

Tom Trotter told me what to write my thesis on then
went to Hungary for the summer to work with Erdös (the o: is an umlaut)
and Egedvary. When he returned, he skimmed thru it,
made a few suggestions and signed it.


I never actually wrote a paper with Trotter that was
published in a refereed math journal, which has
become the criterion. If so, my number would
be Two. Laurie McIlveen did, but she was 'little miss perfect',
with her cute face and her cute southern accent and her undisputed
Erdös number of Two.

I have a "kinda sorta, related-by-marriage, once-removed"
Erdös number fudge-factor, which I have arbitrarily set at .71828183,
so added to the Two I would have had had I actually done any original
math while at Carolina (instead of hanging out at von Henmon's
punk club afterhours playing Risk & listening to Ska + REM),
this gives a tidy result of 2.71828183... or e, the base of the
natural logarithm.

There is a precedent. When Graham, P____, Erdös, C____ and
Kleitmann collaborated on articles, they'd sign them
"G Peck of Hollywood". Another Bourbaki-style math syndicate.
(I can't remember them all -- Ron Graham from Bell Labs I met
and Dan Kleitmann went to high school with Bill Krauss' mother
in Newark [Phillip Roth was in that class, too]; C is probably
Fan Chung, Graham's wife, but I think the acronym came before
they met. P might be Parker, but I'm not sure).

Doug West went to my high school, hung out a bit with my
older brother and Richard White (the only WHS student to wear
an Iggy Stooge dog collar). Doug's sister Karen sat next to me in
Plane Geometry (She was also some kind of bored genius.
Rumor has it she joined the Foreign Service.)

Anyway Doug went on to Princeton, to Fine Hall. Same building as the
Institute for Advanced Studies, but shared with the Math Dept, as I
found when passing thru with Lane Hankinson, my Carolina gf with
the yellow VW bug. We bumped around the building peeking thru
the Einstein end, when Doug was in the Math section. Didn't see
him but had a nice afternoon in Princeton, except for closing the
door of the post office on her finger.

Doug was rookie of the year, running with the fast crowd.
They gave G Peck a middle initial, but thought it diminished the
"Gregory Peck" connection, so the name was modified to
"G W Peck, University of Xanadu". Richard White took a degree in
Philosophy and Logic at Carlisle (Krauss and I hitched out to visit
him) then went to work for IBM.

Anyway, what does this story have to do with my alleged
self-assigned Erdos number of e?

Well, Doug West came out to Carolina, when Trotter got a
chunk of money designed to beef up specific components of
the Math Department. We recruited the hell out of Doug,
to no avail. We wound up buying some discounted Hungarians:
a bunch of Recursive Function Theorists and three Approximation
Theorists (including the ancient GG Lorenz), Peter Nyikos? (Set
Theory). The Computer Science dept split off in protest.

Okay, while we were at the Downstairs Plaza beerhall
Doug teased me mercilessly, trying to get me to guess
GW Peck's Erdös number. I was muy drunkado, in way
over my head, with no clear idea who GW PECK was,
let alone what his number was.
The teasing went on much longer then it should have.

Anyway, GW Peck's Erdös Number is i, as I had to have
explained to me in embarassing detail. 'Square root of minus 1,
imaginary number, IMAGINARY!!! an imaginary number'
That was pretty much the end of the vision of myself as a
'research mathematician'. It was replaced with 'novelist',
which also never came to pass.
I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up now.

I never had contact with any of those guys after college.
In Vonnegut terms, were they my 'karass' or a 'false karass'?
Beats me.

So, I'm like Woody Allen's 'Zelig', repeatedly posing with
the great, who have no idea who this guy in the picture with
them is. Hence, since I'm telling the story, I have assigned
myself the Erdös number of e.
_______________________________________________
Tim Szeliga
'No, no, they can't take that away from me'
Fred Astaire

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My Master's thesis involved the Greene-Kleitmann Theorem,
an n-dimensional extension of Dilworth's Theorem.
Just about every theorem in Graph Theory, Zero-One Matrix
theory and Combinatorics is equivalent to Dilworth's Theorem,
if you just poke around with it enough, just like all those
NP-complete problems in computer science. Same idea, different class.

It also discussed the König-Egedvary theorem on placing queens
on a chessboard so all the ranks and files are covered,
and two other theorems I can't even remember the names of,
let alone the details. My thesis defense was a test of short-term memory.
My mother still has a copy. Ask her.

Monday, March 21, 2011

High School Jazz Jam

My best memory of High School?
Tim Szeliga (74)

My best memory of High School? It would have to be producing
the JazzJam concert with Bill Gerristead(74). After twenty-five years,
the statute of limitations has run out (and a new clock can start
for libel), so I guess I can relate the details, as I dimly
remember them.

'74 was an odd year for school politics. Nixon was in disgrace
and nobody took the process seriously anymore. I ran for Secretary
and lost, which was no surprise, Jim Cooper(74) ran and lost, which was,
and Phil Kortis(74) and Lisa Kotliar(74) won, showing the brainy
could edge out the popular, given the demoralized state of the nation.
I couldn't even hang onto my Council seat, and was demoted to student
council homeroom alternate delegate, having been edged out by Debbie
Stucker (74). I still attended meetings however.

Much of that year I spent in an altered state of consciousness.
Years later I liked to say, "I only got stoned once: from 1972-1978
continuously." One of my companions was a printer turned Jazz drummer
and layabout named Kenny Nolan, who lived in an apartment above Z&S.
His primary professional gig was as substitute drummer at The Cove
in Roselle, paid under the table in cash after each performance. In getting
laid off from the printing job and riding out the Unemployment benefits
for 26 weeks, he had what amounted to a low-level government arts grant
to support him in his craft. In fact, he rode the unemployment wave perfectly,
during the Wage and Price control period and near Congressional election
time, so that each time it looked like the bennies would run out and
he'd have to go back to work, Congress would authorize extended benefits
for another twenty-six weeks. He surfed this wave well into the Ford
administration.

Anyway Kenny took drum lessons from Oliver Jackson, who was one-fourth
of the JPJ Quartet. They were Earl "Fatha" Hines' backup band for many
years (he's the "Fatha" of Gregory Hines, star of "White Nights" and
"Tap"). In one of our many pipe dreams, we thought how great it would
be to bring the JPJ to Westfield High, with Kenny in the drummers seat.
As he dreamed, I started to plan.

Student Council meetings were quite chaotic, with Phil banging on the gavel
for order, while Mr. Elder watched silently from the back of the room.
It was getting to be springtime, we still had $500 or so in the treasury,
and were wondering whether to donate it to charity or spend it on the Class
Gift. The student council was still looking for an official charity
to sponsor with a modest fundraiser, a car wash or bake sale. A plea had
come from an African charity, a sister school in Ghana or famine relief
or some such thing. As the program was described to general disinterest,
I stepped up, gave it my full support and suggested a Jazz concert be
produced, with proceeds to be donated to the charity. With a flurry of
fast talk, "Point of Order" calls and assorted gobbledegook culled from
a quick scan of Robert's Rules of Order, I managed to get my motion passed,
with the bewildered support of the Student Council. Mr. Elder said my
performance was reminiscent of McCarthy, which I took as high praise
indeed, until it later dawned on me he was referring to Joe and not Eugene.

This show was run on a low budget. We got the tickets printed by Dave
Bressler (73), who still had contacts with Mr. Giotta and the Graphic Arts
shop at the junior high. Ticket sales were slow, to say the least.
Everyone I knew who might ordinarily attend expected to be on the guest list.
Ticket distribution was handled by Bill Krauss (75) with help from Melissa
Davis (75) and a rather spacey Debbie Hudson (75), who each took a handful
and sold them door to door, billing the show as a charity event.

It was clear we needed to advertise. Outside of the school band, there was
no interest in jazz and they only listened to Maynard Ferguson. There was no
demand for melodic jazz with a strong Coltrane and Lester Young influence, at
least not among the student body of Westfield High School. I suggested a radio
ad on the Jazz station in Newark, but that was nixed. I designed a poster,
stealing the logo from the design on the Blanco y Negro rolling papers we
favored at that time, an Art Deco jazz saxophonist, leaning back and wailing.
Very pretty, very tasteful. We blew up the logo, put it in a circle in the
center with "JAZZ JAM" at the top and the particulars on the bottom and sent
it off to the printers.

They came back the next week, but when Mr. Elder saw them, he refused to let
us put them up. The musician in the logo was black, in a stylized blackface
cartoon caricature of the sort that had just about died out in the sixties and seventies,
so to me, it seemed vibrant and exciting. I argued that three-quarters of the band
was black, they didn't mind it, it was tastefully rendered and besides they were already
printed up and we didn't have any money for any more. Mr. Elder came up with
a compromise: we would White-Out the black face of the musician. Now it
looked unmistakeably like a minstrel show player in whiteface, but Mr. Elder
disgustedly OK'd it.

It came as something of a surprise to me that the musicians would want
to be paid. After all, we were providing the hall and the audience and
it ~was~ a benefit, but Kenny gently informed me that the Musician's Union
insisted on "scale", a minimum payment for each performer. I, who had never
so much as hired a polka combo for a wedding, had to learn fast. Advance
ticket sales were not going to cover the costs of the band. In another slick
parliamentary move, we got the council to guarantee our cost overruns with
the money in the treasury, although I'm not sure they knew that was what they
were voting to approve, or even if there was a quorum. I withdrew $500 from
the class bank account to cover expenses, leaving $14.

The night of the show we had the musicians backstage in the auditorium,
Bill Krauss and Marty Resnik (75) collecting money at the door, Mr. Elder
and Mr Dello Russo as chaperons, Bill Gerristead and Dave Bressler working
lights and sound, and I was nervously twittering backstage, fearful that the
wrong person would notice the quarts of scotch and tequila provided for the
artists. As showtime rolled around somebody, maybe me, announced the band
And the music began. Albert "Budd" Johnson's fine jazz saxophone filled the
auditorium, Bill Pemberton's plunking bass, Benny Aronoff on piano, and Kenny
Nolan's brush, stick and mallet work on the drums rounded out the sound. A
good ol' boy texan named Mack Goldsbury came along on tenor. I don't recall
much of the music; "Take The A Train" at one point and "Bud's Bounce". Mack
and Budd both had the gift of "circular breathing", where they breathe in
through the nose while still pumping air out into the sax, using their cheeks
and the muscles in the neck as a bellows. Mack explained it to me at great
length that evening, but I was quite drunk by then and don't recall any of
the particulars. Suffice it to say, they both played intricate solos that
had the audience wondering who would pass out first from lack of air.

Only 175 people actually made it to the auditorium that night, but they had
the time of their lives. Budd hollered to have everyone move up to the front
and enjoy the show. I went to check the till, to make sure I had the cash to
pay the rent-a-cop. Marty cheerfully informed me he advanced $40 from the
cashbox to get liquor and beer for the party afterward. Krauss, surprised,
said he, too, had donated $30 from the till for "supplies". During the break,
the musicians were openly drinking backstage. Mr Dello Russo confiscated a
scotch bottle from a student. Budd Johnson intervened and had Mr D give the
bottle to him and said that he could have it back after the break. Surpris-
ingly, Mr Dello Russo complied. Later, during the second set, I saw him and
Mr Elder passing the bottle back and forth, sharing the little that Budd had
left them.

The After Show party was to be at Alan Grigg's (72), whose parents were
scheduled to be elsewhere. Catering was by Duke's Sub Shop and Westfield
Liquors. I don't remember if the eighteen year old drinking law had passed
yet, or if we just sent someone with the money to Mindowaskin Park in search
of Hookey (Never Graduated), who was well over 21 and would buy liquor for
anyone, for a small service charge. We got all the musicians in their cars,
each with a local kid guiding the way to the party. This was our first
taste of the jazz life. Budd had a voracious appetite, for food, drink and
smoke. On first arriving, we watched him employ his circular breathing to
smoke an entire joint from the tip to the roach in one long slow continuous
drag. Budd was sixty-three years old and had been everywhere and done
everything. He enchanted us with tales of the big bands, touring with
Fatha' Hines and increasingly surreal stories. Someone handed him paper
and pen and asked for an autograph. He thought for a moment and scrawled
"I, Albert "Budd" Johnson, do hereby attest that I smoke reefer-jay, Signed,
Mom and Dad". At least that's what he said it said. We looked at this
document many times in later months, trying to decipher it.

The party went on for hours, even after Alan's parents and straight brother
Phil (74) returned home. It is not easy to dislodge forty drunken teens and
six jazz musicians from your rec room. Earlier Budd had accepted an
unfortunate tequila drinking challenge from Mack's redneck brother-in-law and
placed first. We got him to gather up his horns and load them all into his
little VW bug. We tried to keep him off the road. I hid his keys.
We offered him the sofa. Still he insisted he'd been lots drunker than this
and driven much farther, citing several examples. He had a forceful and
compelling personality, and he had done this for forty-nine of his sixty-three
years, so I handed over the keys. This was 1974 and high school kids didn't
argue with drunken musicians over driving. Alan and I figured we'd lead the
way as an escort, so there would be someone to call the ambulance or raise bail
money.

He just wanted to get to the Goethals Bridge. We directed him to North Avenue,
and to turn right at Elmora Avenue. We told Budd it was a straight shot to
the bridge. There was no point in trying to explain the Bayway Circle. Alan
and I pulled into the White Castle, got coffee and a half dozen, and watched
the sun rise over Elizabeth.

A lot of changes resulted from that night: Eileen Kardos (SPHS 75) added
jazz piano lessons to her classical for a few years, until both teachers
insisted she choose. I never produced another concert, but Bill Krauss
went on to produce They Might Be Giants' first two albums (ask your kids who
they are). Budd did make it home that morning. Occasionally I'd see his
name in Jazz Encyclopaedias. Kenny played drums professionally for another
six years or so, playing with some of jazz's lesser lights, until someone with
the same name who closely resembled him recorded "I Like Dreaming". He never
really lived down the embarrassment and eventually went back to printing as a
day job. Bill Krauss and I remain friends. Bill Gerristead went on to
become an electron microscopist. I went into remote sensing and joined the
Weather Service (and went to Woodstock 94 instead of my high school reunion).
The charity never saw a dime. There was not enough money left in the
Student Council bank account after we depleted it to buy a Class Gift,
so we sent a nice card instead.